Sunday, January 1, 2012

Reworked Page, Trying to Get Blockbusting, Brawling , Sprawling Parkinson's "Graphic Novel" Right

What was the problem with the page I posted yesterday? Too much talking and too little showing. We graphics novel author wannabes are supposed to trust the picture as a narrative tool. And besides, bouts of dyskinesia aside, drawing is fun. So I went back, took out some words and put in some pictures. Et voila! One page became two. Then I showed them to Pam who had some constructive criticism. So I went back and reworked them again. I'm trying to bear in mind the words of economist J.K. Galbraith, who said (quoting from memory here) "The note of spontaneity that people praise in my writing always emerges in the fifth draft."


ECleary78 said...

Love the imageryon the 2nd page. The sillouette when you are being pulled up in full of depth. So you had DBS in 2009. What year did your symptoms show up?

Peter Dunlap-Shohl said...

Thanks Elizabeth. I first realized there was trouble when I noticed a mild leg tremor in the Summer of 2001. People that knew me were wondering what was going on for several years before that. Nice FB note, BTW. Wishing you, David and your Dallas Parkie Peeps the best in the new year!

ECleary78 said...

Awwww... thanks for reading! Happy New Year to you too :)

Adele said...


I think the picture of the shadow of the monster and you in its thrall is an excellent description of how it feels when my Parkinson's is getting worse. You don't see the monster but you know that it could swoop in at any moment and you don't know how it is going to grab you next.

Your choice to expand this to two pages really paid off in communicating your struggles and also your sense of hopefulness about the DBS.

I am so glad you are working on this.


Peter Dunlap-Shohl said...

Hi Adele

Thanks for the feedback. That is exactly how I feel, with all the variables,you never know which will trip you up any given day. Glad I captured the feeling, sorry that you seem to know it well.

Festinate Forward,


Tomás Serrano said...

In the first one, I like the subtle effects of double images. And the shadows use, of course.