Sunday, January 9, 2011
Me and Wii (part four)
(Want to start with part one? It's right here.)
I should have seen it coming. The warnings were in plain sight, and I thought I was being careful. Still, I wasn't prepared, and Wii treachery took me by surprise when it struck with brazen impunity.
So what happened? Well, there I was, running in place in our living room, enjoying a fine view of the virtual scenery as it rolled past, along with the friendly attention of the animated joggers, strollers and sundry passers-by, and marveling at the fact that none of the animated dogs running free in this best-of-all-possible-worlds ever soiled the candy-colored landscape.
The Wii was annoying me by harping on how I was not maintaining a steady pace. I was actually having a borderline "off" period, my meds flickering, and at times my legs would refuse to pick my feet up from the floor. When my feet stuck to the floor I would resort to a pitiful hopping motion to fool the sensor into thinking I was running.
Then the meds kicked in and I picked up the pace. The Wii was not pleased. "you're going too fast!" it warned, assuming its "Hal 2001" persona. "Yeah, and you're playing insipid music and projecting cheesy graphics, but do I criticize you?" I thought to myself, (And, for those of you objecting out there that I am criticizing the Wii right now in this very post, hush! Whose side are you on?)
That's when it happened. Just to show which of us was the boss hog of this house, I upped the "speed" and my avatar sprinted across the screen for the finish line. And the Wii tripped him!
Incredulous, I stared at him/me sprawled on the path. The other figures in the area all ignored the crumpled form, obviously afraid of incurring the wrath of the Wii and suffering a similar fate. Indignation replaced shock and I jogged the final steps to the finish. Maybe there's more Sadistic Gym Coach With a Beer Gut and Precambrian Sense of Humor in the Wii than I thought.