Here is what was originally a one page story that has grown to two in the second draft of the PD book I am working on. This is the original page:
(Click to enlarge) And here are the new pages:
So what is going on here? Well, probably the first thing you noticed was it's in black and white. Why? It's a little faster for me to work this way. Since they have not bought the manuscript yet I am hoping to get a resolution over what they will do as soon as I can. They can see from the black and whites whether this will satisfy their criteria in terms of content. Also, it's cheaper to publish in black and white rather than full color. If it is to be published in lavish full-color, I can add that later. In my experience adding color to black and white yields better results than converting color to black and white.
The other big thing I a trying to do is cut down on words and especially narration. Hey dummy, it's comics, a VISUAL medium. So let the visuals do the talking. That, along with a better organized approach is contributing to a more interesting and coherent work. At least I believe it is. Your thoughts are welcome.