Take It In a Little Here, Let It Out a Bit There: Tweaking Tweaking Tweaking

Now begins my struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder. The manuscript for the graphic novel needs a little sprucing up. I ran into a friend today and she advised me to put a time limit on how long I would torture the thing before I sent it to a publisher or agent. So I'll give myself a week. But where to begin? I know! The beginning. After living with the opening page for awhile, I began to find it lacked drama. Just to refresh your memory, here it is

See what I mean? It seems a bit abrupt and dull at the same time. So I split it in two, like so...

...which I think works much better. More motion, more drama. Now to redo every other page in the book.