Reworked Page, Trying to Get Blockbusting, Brawling , Sprawling Parkinson's "Graphic Novel" Right

What was the problem with the page I posted yesterday? Too much talking and too little showing. We graphics novel author wannabes are supposed to trust the picture as a narrative tool. And besides, bouts of dyskinesia aside, drawing is fun. So I went back, took out some words and put in some pictures. Et voila! One page became two. Then I showed them to Pam who had some constructive criticism. So I went back and reworked them again. I'm trying to bear in mind the words of economist J.K. Galbraith, who said (quoting from memory here) "The note of spontaneity that people praise in my writing always emerges in the fifth draft."