Monday, September 27, 2010
Hoof and Mouth: Scientists Find Talking While Walking Can Lead to Falls for People With Parkinson's Disease
Well it looks like mum's the word for PD patients who are in the act of walking. According to scientists at Florida State University those of us of the Parkie persuasion are increasing our risk of falls if we jaw while jogging. No word if screaming while you fall also amounts to the kind of multi-tasking we should avoid. But if you ask me, I say, scream. What have you got to lose?
On considering this latest bit of information it hit me that there are vast implications in the Things for Parkinsonians to Avoid Doing Department. Just to be helpful, I have compiled a handy list of additional potentially hazardous forms of multi-tasking for we Parkies to avoid. NB: many of these have yet to be studied by researchers, but I am rushing to publication with them anyway. NB2: This is NOT an exhaustive list, and you should not conclude that just because it's not listed that a particular form of multi-tasking is in any way safe or endorsed by this blog. When in doubt, assume the fetal position and refuse to move. Wait, that would be multi-tasking. When in doubt, just assume the fetal position. Call me sloppy, but for heaven's sake, not while you are walking.
List of Multi-Tasking No-Nos
Rubbing BBQ sauce in your hair while sticking your head in the mouth of a lion or other large predator
Yelling "FIRE" while in a crowded theater (unless, of course, the theater is on fire)
Greeting your friend John with a hearty "Hi, Jack!" while standing in a TSA line
Petting a porcupine while chewing gum
Tugging on Superman's cape while spitting into the wind
Pulling the mask off that old Lone Ranger while messing around with Jim
Drinking and unicycling
Operating heavy machinery while sleeping
Murmuring your girlfriend's name while making love to your spouse
Murmuring your spouse's name while making love to your girlfriend
Kicking sand in the face of a bully while being a 98-pound weakling
Yelling "FREE BIRD!!!" while attending the symphony
Acting as your own attorney while having a fool for a client
Repeating "Hide me, The monkeys are in the control booth!" while undergoing a psychiatric evaluation.
French-kissing an ostrich while either sober or inebriated (either of you)
Laughing maniacally during confession
As I mentioned above, this is not an exhaustive list. If you notice any egregious omissions, please post a reply with your multitasking no-no. If you have a complaint, just give me a call when you're out walking.